P5
Feedback from first draft
For page 1 I sorted out the grammar and added more detail to the garden party scene by adding more about what was happening and describing the character more.
For page 2 I put the parentheticals in the right place and read over and changed any grammar mistakes.
For page 3 I made the scene more choppy and faced paced as it was a bit long winded and would have made filming dragged, I also shortened the man's lines to make it more choppy.
For page 4 I structured the scene more to make it more interesting for people to read and for shooting purposes , changed some of the dialogue to fit filming.
For page 5 I changed the slug lines as they was in the incorrect format and read through it and made sure it all made sense.
For pages 6 and 7 i just tided up the script and made it more fast pacing and fitting to filing purposes.
I also took out the flashbacks as they just longed out the script and it would have been difficult when i came to filming and made the boot scene make sense.
For page 2 I put the parentheticals in the right place and read over and changed any grammar mistakes.
For page 3 I made the scene more choppy and faced paced as it was a bit long winded and would have made filming dragged, I also shortened the man's lines to make it more choppy.
For page 4 I structured the scene more to make it more interesting for people to read and for shooting purposes , changed some of the dialogue to fit filming.
For page 5 I changed the slug lines as they was in the incorrect format and read through it and made sure it all made sense.
For pages 6 and 7 i just tided up the script and made it more fast pacing and fitting to filing purposes.
I also took out the flashbacks as they just longed out the script and it would have been difficult when i came to filming and made the boot scene make sense.
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